Attack of the SFX
by WashiSlay
Summary: A parody of the movie AOTC by two mentally insane Jedi. It's ment to be a video with action figures, just FYI. A couple foul languaged words but not too many, R/R you haveta or we will be sad, you wont like us when we're sad (turns into the Hulk) ERRRRR!!


NOTE: We do not own any of these characters except the narrator who has all bold text and the Audience members. Just so you know, don't ask me why I'm putting this in here, we love writing these things. Every time we read a review that lets us know that you guys are enjoying our stories it really makes us happy because we like to make people laugh. So please everyone enjoy the madness that shall ensue after this message has been read to you, ummm by you. Okay don't sue us! If you do we shall go to jail because between the both of us we have like $ 7.48 okay! And all you'll end up getting is a jail cell filled with stories, we would write them on the walls, toilet paper, soap, anything we got our hands onto so just save yourselves the trouble and don't sue us. Thank you! @(-_-)@

FADE IN:

The title reads 'Episode Two: Attack of the SFX'

INT: COURASANT

****

a really big ship and two little ships fly in through fog....smog.....mist whatever (_you see the big ship has strings attached and the little ones are being held up by a hand which is covered in blue everything in this scene is blue save the ships_) suddenly the big ship blows up and Padme is talking to Yoda with a couple of really cool looking Jedi in the background that we wish had a bigger part because they are so cool but they don't so stop wishing! Oh yeah Mace is there too. (_the back ground is all blue the only thing that is really there besides the actors is a single desk and chair_)

YODA

Hello Senator Amidala....

PADME/AMIDALA

It's Padme master Jedi....

YODA

ERRRRR okay Senator Padme.....good to see you alive, happy I am.

PADME/AMIDALA

Who are you talking to? I'm Amidala...

YODA:

ERRRRRRRRR

PALPATINE

I am in total control....and I am evil, but none of you know this...that is what makes me the dark lord of the sith.... (he laughs like a girl) Dark LORD of the Sith....that sounds so....evil....

PADME/AMIDALA

Someone tried to kill me what was that Palpatine did you just say I need Jedi protectors???

PALPATINE

no.....

PADME/AMIDALA

(ignoring him) No I don't need them Palpatine...Who Master Kenobi??? Why him?

PALPATINE

Who is she arguing with???

PADME/AMIDALA

Fine! I'll have a Jedi protector but only because your making me! 

****

she walks off with her entourage the door shuts and everyone inside is left in awe

PALPATINE

ummm.... I sure told her???

INT: PADME/AMIDALA'S APPARTMENT 

****

Obi-wan and Anakin ride up on a wooden platform with a green screen behind it, you can see that hand that is pushing it up and the figures on the platform are about to fall off, Anakin's figure does but a hand takes it and puts it back on the board 

OBI WAN

You're nervous . . .

ANAKIN

Duh . . .

OBI WAN

Try to relax

ANAKIN

I am trying! You think I enjoy this?! (suddenly switches topics and becomes calm) It's been so long . . .

OBI WAN

Oh look, we are here. . .

(_Scene changes to a another green screen and mangled Jar Jar stands there_)

JAR JAR

OBI!

OBI WAN: 

Dear sweet mother of Yoda! (_Avoids the hug Jar Jar offers and takes off down the hall almost running_ )

ANAKIN

Waz up? Jar Jar?

AUDIENCE 

What?! Jar Jar is back?

RANDOM GEEK IN JEDI ROBES: 

Jar Jar was a important role back in episode one, he demonstrated that-

(_The rest of the Fans begin to beat Person2 with plastic lightsaber's_ ) Ummmm this scene was to dumb so we're just skipping a head, deal with it. . .

INT: PADME/AMIDALS ROOM PLACE

****

Padme umm Amidala errrr who ever she is right now stands on a porch, the door opens and get stuck for about 2 minutes and the Ani and Obi head into the room (_it's filled with a bunch of fake Barbie furniture_)

PADME/AMIDAL

Obi-wan! So good to see you again. . . You got old. . .

OBI WAN

. . . . . .

PADME/AMIDALA

Don't take it personally Master Jedi. 

OBI WAN

Too late . . .

PADME/AMIDALA

(_shoves past Obi_) My Ani, you got taller!

ANAKIN

No, really? Gee wiz, you didn't change

PADME/AMIDALA

That is wonderful to hear!

ANAKIN

It is????

GUARD DUDE

As you can see the senator is under grave danger. .

OBI WAN

Again?

ANAKIN

I will protect you!

OBI WAN

No you wont!

ANAKIN

Why?

AUDIENCE

Ooooo. . .

OBI WAN

Damn it because I said so. .

ANAKIN

Oh. . .

PADME/AMIDALA

I am going to sleep now. . .(_Gets up and heads off_ )

ANAKIN

(_watches her leave_) dang it! She didn't remember me....

OBI WAN

Huh? She looked at you and could tell you were Ani I didn't tell her that....what more do you want???

ANAKIN

I've thought about her every day since I last saw her....

OBI WAN

STALKER!!!! STALKER!!!! That's really creepy man!

ANAKIN

She's intoxicating..... I can't think around her....I can't think without her.....I've been having bad dreams master.

OBI WAN

WHOA! You sure jump subjects quickly....

ANAKIN

MASTER!!! This is serious! I see my mommy dying.....

OBI WAN

Damn..... you need counseling 

ANAKIN

No I do not want to talk to the counsel....

OBI WAN

No....I mean counseling...you, you have no clue what I'm talking about...Okay nevermind. Dreams pass in time. Oh crap did you sense that???

ANAKIN

PADME!!!!

****

The two run into her room and a worm is about to eat her face off. Anakin plays the big shot hero and kills them saving little perfect princess....

PADME/AMIDALA

No I am a Senator...

****

Are you sure??? I mean you never really know your own name...

PADME/AMIDALA

FINE! I'll be just Padme...there are you happy now???

****

Yes....back to the story OBI WAN looking quite cool might I add jumps through a window grabbing onto a probe and goes for a ride through Courasant. Anakin quickly runs outside and jumps into a speeder to get his master. 

INT: COUASANT NIGHT

ANAKIN

(_after catching OBI WAN) _Way cool! Master that was awesome you liked kicked ass....

OBI WAN

Oh Yoda I'm gonna die...

ANAKIN

(_looks at Obi and not the traffic_) Why do you say that?

OBI WAN

Because your driving.....

ANAKIN

OH!

****

Umm the rest of this scene was cut because well it's pretty much all blue scene stuff. 

AUDIENCE

We want the scene!!!

****

Oh fine! I'll tell you about it....Anakin and Obi go chasing after this chick that's not really a chick but a really ugly alien Anakin almost gets the killed several times and Obi says 'I don't like it when you do that' a lot and Anakin says 'sorry' a lot then Anakin goes the wrong way and looses the chick that's not really a chick in the traffic and Obi yells at him which is actually pretty funny. Anakin jumps off of the speeder, out of the speeder whatever and lands on the not really a chick's speeder thing and looses his saber. OBI WAN follows them and catches the saber which if your like me is pretty funny there are you happy now!!!

AUDIENCE

Yes!!!

RANDOME GEEK IN JEDI ROBES

No!!!

(_the audience throws food at him_)

****

Okay Anakin crashes the not really a chicks speeder and chases her into a bar.

INT: BAR!!!!!

OBI WAN

Anakin!

ANAKIN

Master...she went in here

OBI WAN

I have you lightsaber...

ANAKIN

DOH! Can I have it back?

OBI WAN

(_has his hands behind his back_) Which hand is it???

ANAKIN

Oh wait! In Trivial Pursuit it's always which hand??? Ummm.... Oh yeah.. The right one

OBI WAN

(_give him his saber_) Good boy! Lets go get him

ANAKIN

It's not a he it's a not really a chick...

OBI WAN

Oh well in that case I'm gonna go get drunk!

****

Obi goes to the bar and drinks blue Vodka! Anakin walks around trying to find the not really a chick person but instead finds a lot of different people like the actors that play Han Solo, C3PO, R2D2, and a lot of others I don't wanna name. Oh yeah on one screen they're playing the Pod Racer game which is really good and everyone should buy! And then George has his kids in there...Any way as Obi drinks his blue Vodka Anakin walks around in circles. But SUNDDENLY! Out of no-where, Obi-wan chops off some random persons arm and it turns out that is was the chick who's not really a chick and is revealed as a bounty hunter!

ANAKIN

Oh Nice one master!

OBI WAN

Thank you Padawan... 

****

He downs the rest of the drink and smiles, picks up the armless person leaving her, his, it's arm behind 

ANAKIN

This is our business, go back to getting wasted...

INT: ALLY A DARK SPOOKY ONE TOO

****

Outside in a run-down ally, Obi-wan drops the person to the ground

OBI WAN

Who sent you?

BOUNTY HUNTER LADY MAN

I wont tell you.

ANAKIN

DAMNIT! Who sent you!?

BOUNTY HUNTER LADY MAN

It was some guy in this jet pack- 

****

She gets hit by a pebble thrown from someone behind the camera which then pretends to die, not that well though . . (_Anakin checks for a pulse_)

ANAKIN

He....or umm She....uhhhhh...... Its dead master. .

****

(_A Jango Fett action figure is lifted up from the ground by strings_)

OBI WAN

****

(_picks up the pebble_) I have never seen something like this before. . I have to ask Dex but since Dex is completely computer generated I am going to act like I know where this came from and go straight to the library . . .them I'll have to ask that old cranky librarian for help now. . . Damn I really hate her. . and then I will ask Yoda, 

ANAKIN

Its just a rock master.. .

OBI WAN

Who is the master here?!

INT: THOSE TWO PEOPLE THAT ARE IN LOVE BUT CAN'T BE ARE LEAVING NOW AND WELL THAT'S WHERE THEY ARE

OBI WAN

Now be a good boy for the Senator okay Anakin?

ANAKIN

Okay master.... I will. Time to go!

****

(_Padme and Anakin walk towards there transport_)

PADME
    
    I'm scared

ANAKIN 

Weenie....

PADME

Am not!

ANAKIN

Are too!

R2

BEEEEEEEEP

****

(_They both stare at the little droid_)
    
    OBI WAN

Oh, they grow up so fast!

****

(_the piolet dude stares at him_)

INT: LIBRARY OR I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT THE NEXT BLUE SCREEN SCENE

****

Another blue screen back drop and a few fake plastic shelves sit in the background, Obi-wan stands and waits for some random old lady to help him, he studies a clay statue that looks like it was made by a two year old 

OBI WAN

Such a wonderful piece of art. . .

****

A REALLY old lady walks up and narrows her eyes

LIBRARIAN

What do you want?

OBI WAN

Info. .

LIBRARIAN

(_Pushes Obi to a computer and points_) Did you look it up?

OBI WAN

Yes. .

LIBRARIAN 

Did you check the files?!

OBI WAN

Yes. . .

LIBRARIAN

Did you look it up under the card catalog?!

OBI WAN 

Yes. . .

LIBRARIAN

Then damnit Master Kenobi! It's not there!. . .Wait, Did you ask Yoda?

OBI WAN

No. . .

LIBRARIAN

Then ask him! (_Turns to a little child that taps her on the shoulder_ ) What!?

AUDIENCE 

What a bitch. . .

RANDOM GEEK IN JEDI ROBES: 

She is crucial to the plot line-

(He get beat up again) 

INT: THE CUTE LITTLE KID SCENE OH I WANT A LITTLE JEDI

****

Obi-wan makes his way into a small and cramped training room where tiny small children are and Yoda. He is promptly attacked by the children with pots and pans on there heads 

CHILDREN 

Obi-wan!!! 

OBI WAN 

Dear sweet mother of

YODA 

Errrrrr . .. guest we have children . . .

OBI WAN

I think they found that out already . . .

YODA

Lost a planet he has, how embarrassing. . .(_chuckles_)

OBI WAN

How did you know?

YODA

Script does tell, yessssss . . . Children, open minds, help Master Kenobi find planet. . .

OBI WAN 

Well. . 

****

He drops a small plastic ball on a stand and nothing happens (_A sign drops down reading: Special effects to be added later_ ) 

OBI WAN

It should be right here (_points to nothing_) But its not, there is gravitational pull but-

YODA 

Go to the center of it you must. . .

OBI WAN

Um ok. .

INT: CLONERS! EVERYWHERE OR I GUESS THE CLONES ARE EVERYWHERE BUT THAT'S JUST AS SCARY!

****

Obi Wan leaves in his little ship and goes to this place where it's always raining and Q-Tips can walk around like normal freaky aliens, nice isn't it??? (_Obi walks into a blue screen and two Q-Tips come in_)

Q-TIP 1 

We make clones

Q-TIP 2 

Of this dude called Jango Fett...

OBI WAN 

I must find him and kick his ass

INT: OUTSIDE BET YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE DISCRIPTIVE HUH?

****

Obi runs outside. Where, oh here's a shocker! It's raining oh yeah he is face to face with Jango

OBI WAN

Rusty bucket of bolts!

JANGO FETT 

crazy old man!

OBI WAN

I'm not old You weak-minded Nerf Herder!!

JANGO FETT

Oh thats below the belt (_He takes out a plastic squirt gun_)

OBI WAN

(_draws his plasic lightsaber_) Oh, that's really going to help. .. Its raining!

(_Jango and tackles him)_

****

A small fight goes on between the pair, with really bad graphics and not that well choreographed fights. It goes from weapons to hand to hand combat until Jango ties Obi-Wan's hands together

JANGO FETT

Now I am going to jump of the roof!

OBI WAN 

Oh. . .not good. . .

****

Jango runs, dragging Obi-wan behind him and jumps, sliding down the wet roof like thingy... Somehow the ropes come loose off of Obi-wan and he somehow lands on a platform, Jango somehow gets back up and takes off before Obi-wan can do anything but throw a metal thingy on the hull of the ship Oh and the space scene has been cut because of lack of interest and sfx 

INT: NABOO

****

(_Anakin stands on Naboo looking out at a blue screen_) 

ANAKIN

I'm going to go save my mommy!

PADME

I'll go with you....

ANAKIN 

Okay!!!!

INT: TATOOINE

****

The two are now on Tatooine where they meet Lars the guy that bought Anakins mom and married her, wow that really says something about the guy, the only way he could get a wife was to buy one! Oh yeah Anakin goes off and finds a Sandpeople....

RADOME GEEK IN JEDI ROBES

Tusken Radier!

****

FINE! A Tunsken Raider camp that just so happens to be the one his mom is in. Interesting how he found it in one day when 30 some odd guys couldn't do in a couple months but that's beyond the point.

RANDOM GEEK IN JEDI ROBES

It's the force

AUDIENCE

SHHHHHH...shut up. GEEK!

****

(_Anakin's mom just dies and he goes outside and begins to kill the sandpeople_)

AUDIENCE 

Ummmm..... I think they should have done that differently. Yeah ironic how she dies right after seeing him again.

RADOME GEEK IN JEDI ROBES

That's not ironic that's the force!

****

(_The audience throws food at him_)

INT: LARS HOME PLACE IN THE GROUND

OBI WAN

Ut oh I have been caught by bad guys...I'll call my Padawan

R2

BEEEP BOOOOOP BEEEEEEP BUZZZZ

3PO

He has a message

OBI WAN

I am in trouble send this message to the counsel....HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLP!!!! 

PADME

He may be dying

ANAKIN

Yup....

PADME

Lets go save him!

ANAKIN

Ummmmm okay....

INT: THE PLACE THAT THEY GO TO NEXT

****

The two rush off to save OBI WAN Kenobi from certain danger cool huh? Okay they end up on this convater belt thing and almost die several times but dont....and Anakin breaks his saber, then they get caught and are put in this Arena thing with OBI WAN for a grand killing. A giant Bull like creature with three horns comes out directly in front of Anakin, A large sharp toothed crab came out in front of Obi and a strange rat tailed 4 eyed tiger comes out in front of Padme. (_Obi looks at the other creatures. First his, then Anakin's then Padme then back to Anakin's he looks forward in amaze_) 

OBI WAN

This is bull shit! How come me and Padme get the dangerous meat eating creatures and Anakin gets a giant COW!!!!

****

Suddenly they are all free of there restraints and are surrounded by battle droids and more Jedi... oh yeah all the creatures are dead now. Umm they all fight for a while the good guys get there butts kicked then the clones come in with Yoda none-the-less.

INT: LIGHTSABER FIGHT

****

Obi Wan and Anakin both follow Dracula, or the Mummy, or uh Sherlock Holmes, maybe Dracula a...again, or how about Count Dracula no? Okay try this one Death! Or ummm Sherlock Holmes errr Dracula again ummm Saruman the...the White. No? I still haven't got his name right? Docoo, Dooku? That's it, YES! I got it! Count Dooku! Finally. They both go off and follow Count Dooku Padme falls out of the ship.

ANAKIN

Oh no! Not Padme! WE have to save her!!!!

OBI WAN

From what? She just fell like three feet, in episode one I fell like twenty and no one did anything about it!

ANAKIN

But this is Padme we're talking about

OBI WAN

(_sarcastic and not caring_) Oh....then it's different. Lets go save her from getting sand in her shoes....

INT: FIGHT PLACE YEAH!

****

Obi Wan and Anakin run in to where Dooku is.

OBI WAN

We take him together

ANAKIN

No he's mine!

OBI WAN

OHHHHHH! You get all the fun!!!!

****

Anakin begins to fight Dooku but since Dooku is such a weenie he uses his electricity thingys and fries Anakin. Then Obi Wan goes and fights pretty well but leave it up to the weenie Dooku to cheat and hurt my poor Obi Wan. I mean we all know he could never take him if he didn't do that! Okay Anakin comes to save his master from the weenie but gets his arm cut off, you know how it is I mean parry thrust oh now your missin a hand. Anyway then Yoda comes in and kicks Dooku's weenie ASS! YEAH! And guess what. Yoda totally kicks doing it! He's like the Bruce Lee version of might mouse. 

YODA

Asses kicked they were yeeeeees.

ANAKIN

I can't feel my arm....

OBI WAN

That's because you don't have one any more

ANAKIN

Oh, okay.....

INT: COUSEL

YODA

Anakin and Padme with one another the Clone War begun it has.

INT: NABOO

****

Ummm Anakin and Padme get married and that's pretty much it. Actually it's not very compelling when you tell it this way.


End file.
